Saturday, February 13

Comings and goings.

I started writing a post yesterday, but then I stopped.
The world went a little upside down.
I just couldn't keep going with what I had written but I couldn't really put anything else there either. Nothing was quite right.

Yesterday morning my sister called me in tears to tell me that my aunt had passed away.
My dad's sister. She's only ten months older than he is.
She had lived with severe physical and emotional pain for a long time.

On both sides, my family tends to live a while. My little girl will have two great-great grandmothers when she is born, one on each side. Usually, when we've dealt with death, it has been pretty expected. It doesn't make it any less sad, but I think helps the healing process when it feels like it was "time." This doesn't feel real. It registers in my mind, but not really in my heart and soul.

It's especially hard to be so far away from my family right now. They'll round up the wagons and get through this storm together. Sometimes I feel like the only one who isn't there and that makes me sad. Emotionally, I can get that support wherever I am. However, I really want to be physically near those people who are so close to my heart. You know, get some good hugs. Stuff like that.

It's also very strange for me to think about death with this life inside of me, ready to make her debut any day. I can feel her moving. Hiccuping. I know when she's sleeping. As for putting emotions into words, I'm not sure what to say.

The entire day was bizarre yesterday. We got a rare snowstorm - a few inches. We didn't lose power this year but it was still pretty crazy outside. We spent a good amount of time watching people try to make their way up the small hill in front of our house. It took Judge a minute to remember snow. He spent the first couple of hours barking at it, then it started sticking. Pretty soon he was hopping around and making designs in the yard.

Yesterday was like a really strange dream.
I'm just thinking a lot about the comings and goings of life.
I hope that makes sense.


Serene is my name, not my life! said...

It does make sense. And I'm sorry about your aunt.

My dad has just been diagnosed with stage 4 lymphoma (cancer). We still aren't sure what form its in, aggressive or not, but we are all doing a lot of praying right now. But its still hard because he is very special to me.

I was also the only one in my family living in the west for a long time. And it was really hard sometimes not to have family close by. Especially when I really needed help with all the kids or was just lonely. And we always had the best parties. =) It has only been recently that it seems like everyone is moving out this way, so FINALLY, I get to see them a little more often.
So, it makes sense to me.

Hang in there.

Nick and Emily said...

I'm so sorry to hear that. You're family is going through so much these days. I'm sorry you don't feel close to home. That can be so rough.

I'll keep you all in my prayers, and in my heart.

{davis family} said...

aww...i'm so sorry! we can totally relate, we know where you're coming from!
I wish you luck as this new beautiful blessing comes into your life, she won't replace the loved ones that you've lost..but she will most certainly fill that void completely. You will absolutely love being a mommy, you'll be the darn cutest one.

We'll be praying for you and your sweet family! Your hearts will be healed in a matter of days!

Scaliwag said...

My sweet girl,you have such a beautiful way with words. What a tribute to the family. The wagons are circling, from all quarters of the state & country. We miss you so very much and like you, we are contemplating comings and goings. Love you so very much & can't wait to hug you and hug you. Mom

Just SO said...

I wish I could give you hugs. I miss you. I'm sending hugs with your mom when she comes down there. Okay?