two-thirds.

well, saturday we hit the third trimester. that's right, 28 weeks down and twelve(ish) to go.

(by the way, can someone please explain to me how 40 weeks of gestation equals nine months of pregnancy? it just seems like a really unfair trick when you're the one that is bloated, fat and uncomfortable.)

i feel like poor little boo is getting gypped (hopefully there aren't any gypsies out there who read this blog and get offended). it seems like this pregnancy is flying by without a lot of fanfare and that is mostly because we have an ellie to entertain us and to keep us running (and i do mean that literally). i can't complain about the lack of excitement, because an uneventful pregnancy is never a bad thing. on the other hand, i'm pretty sure i'm the only one who has felt boo's little kicks so far. we're so excited to have her here and see what kind of little human we get, but when i'm trying to keep a rowdy 18-month-old from flinging herself out of a shopping cart i find that i'm doing a lot less baby-daydreaming than i did last time. 

boo, i'm sorry. we really do like you.

we just keep getting more and more personality from her. i think i mentioned that she did a complete flip during the 20 week ultrasound, right? at our appointment last week the nurse had a difficult time finding a heartbeat. we weren't concerned, though, because everyone could see her moving and she even kicked the wand with all her tiny might. whenever the nurse would get close and we'd get a few seconds of heartbeat, it would quickly fade away like a car passing on the highway. the nurse asked, "is she always like this?!" boo likes to wiggle, yes. ellie used to hold perfectly still until bedtime, then she'd give a few good kicks. it feels like boo is dancing ballet inside of me, sometimes pushing on so many different places that i start to think that there must be a second baby in there.

she has a crazy sweet tooth. i thought maybe she'd like the sour candies like i used to eat with ellie, but this girl likes it rich and sweet. i'm still eating golden grahams like crazy, along with any kind of chocolate i can get my hands on. she goes absolutely crazy when i drink diet root beer. we haven't been eating a lot of meat lately, but whenever i drive by a steakhouse or bbq place i can actually taste the food in my mouth. i'm getting to the point where i'm constantly hungry but, at the same time, i feel like there's no room for food inside me. it's one of the worst parts of being pregnant.

this pregnancy has been different in a lot of ways. i never really got swollen with ellie, but this time i'm swelling a little. i think the difference is the heat. the hot, hot heat. it's easy to keep from swelling in december and january, but august and september in the south? forget it. i'm also on my feet a lot more and that's a big contributor. i read somewhere that i should avoid any activity that keeps me from bending down past my knees at this point - ha! whoever said that didn't factor in a toddler. i think i spent more time bending down and squatting and sitting on the floor than i do standing. 

here we are. belly! and boobs. and bum. ugh. i'm not even kidding when i say that my pregnant behind is giving me nightmares. BUT! the frumpy mom bun hit the catwalk on three project runway models last week (one of them was a winner!), proving my theory even further that being frazzled and lazy is totally in right now.
(oh, and i cleaned my mirror since the last picture. nesting instincts are starting to kick in. unfortunately there isn't a whole lot i can do around here except scrub and scrub and rescrub.)

november will be here soon and it's going to be a big blur of baby and holidays and everything i love. i can't wait to see what color eyes she'll have, what her nose looks like... and can't wait to see ellie hold her and love her. last night she was giving my belly ("her sister") kisses. she doesn't even like to give kisses to daddy or me without some prodding. she's going to be a really great big sister (she just doesn't know it yet).

words are so much weaker than feelings, especially at a time like this.

funny though, because at the same time they still have so much power.

i had known the truth for hours last night but i didn't want to speak the words out loud. i thought if i held them inside myself, maybe i could make it untrue. out here i was the only one who knew it. if nobody else knew, it was like it didn't happen. for hours, i rolled the words around in my brain, not speaking them aloud and not knowing how to speak them.

as we crawled into bed, i cuddled up close to my husband and whispered: "while we were listening to our baby's heartbeart today, my friend was dying."

what can i say? we have so many words to express ourselves, but somehow there is no set of words that truly describes the feelings we have about the beauty and fragility of life and death.

lindsey was one of the most beautiful souls on this earth. in fact, i have been searching my brain trying to think of a time when she wasn't so flawless or wonderful, but i can't. i can't think of one instance when i was ever angry with her or even bothered by her. the only time that comes to mind was when i was fifteen and she told me that she was jealous of my skin, because i "never seemed to have any pimples." i remember being annoyed and thinking, "that's because i haven't hit puberty yet and i would gladly trade my skin for some curves, thank you very much."

she was like a character from a movie: impossibly positive, incredibly funny, endearing, smart, talented, quirky, lovable and, of course, downright gorgeous. i wouldn't believe it if i didn't know her myself -- and, i guarantee it, if you knew her you are better for it.   

 (one of my favorite things about lindsey is this: this face isn't just for the pictures. she made faces and posed like this and did silly voices for no reason at all.)

the world is a darker place today, but i know hundreds (if not thousands) of people will be working toward making it brighter because of her.

the craziest thing of all is that the world goes on spinning even after it has stopped for her. i still had doctors appointments and diapers to change and dinner to make today and it just seemed strange. it felt like there should be national headlines about her life and her fight.

if you're the praying kind, keep her family in your prayers. her husband especially needs them. they were married just a few months after we were. i can't imagine what it must be like to lose a spouse so young and after such a long, hard battle. i'm sure that they're still needing donations and there will definitely be a need for support for a long time to come, both for her family and for her foundation, living through laughter. 

so i'm asking this of you: 

every day, share your light and spread some laughter.

it's one of the easiest things you could ever do.

love you, linds. 

(pictures stolen from her website - go there!)

it's nine o'clock on a saturday...

okay, so it isn't really. but it is saturday.

after 18 months, i still don't know what to do with myself when everyone (even the dog!) is taking a nap. i could try to sleep, too, but everyone knows that something always happens when moms try to nap. the world collapses.

so, while they sleep, here are a couple of mish-mashed thoughts, since i have been a terrible blogger this week.

a.)

i've been feeling pretty fashion-forward lately, as my favorite "frumpy mom" hairdo has been pinned on pinterest as something hip and fresh. seriously, my hair looks like this (at least) 5/7 days of the week.

other people:

me:

(p.s. - are you pinning? are we friends on pinterest? you will notice that most of my pins are about sugary sweets, naturally.)

b.)

i have a new phone, so i have a new way to take pictures and video of a little girl at random. 

examples:

ellie leaving the house yesterday. she accessoried by herself, as usual. 

i was trying to catch her saying "no/neow" but she said "fries" instead.

i can also catch myself being a bad human. 

why yes, i can make anything healthy into something totally unhealthy!

my breakfast: greek yogurt. 

with bananas. 

and nutella. 

mmmmm. 

and that is a little of what we've been up to. riveting stuff, i know. 

25 goals.

birthday goals.

i realize that some of these goals are much more measurable than others.
some of them will require very specific actions to complete.
others will be more a constant, conscious effort to do things differently.

1. eat at least one green, leafyish thing per day.
2. be better at realizing when i'm in a "technology loop" and getting out of it immediately!
3. make better breakfasts for myself and for ellie.
4. finish at least one book a month (but let's shoot for two).
5. finally sew that bathrobe for myself before the baby comes.
6. make a quilt for baby boo.
7. print off more pictures and get a good start on an ellie book and a family book.
8. get organized with the bills and budget. 
9. get out of bed earlier (i want to say that i'll wake up at 4:45 with the husband but we all know that isn't happening). 
10. make more dates happen (we've been on like, two real dates since ellie was born).
11. participate in some kind of organized walk/run. i'm not committing to running, though.
12. spend more time reading with ellie (she likes to "read" to herself, but i need to read to her more).
13. drink more water. i go through phases where i drink a lot and then i don't. back to being a fish.
14. take the little family on at least three awesome, memory-making adventures.
15. pare down my closet and start only buying the things i really want/need (example: the perfect black jeans), not just what's on sale or cute at the time.
16. lose the baby weight (that would be by my next birthday, but within four months would be ideal).
17. eat more dinners at the table.
18. get back into keeping a real journal.
19.  reduce the sugar intake. bake healthier.
20. keep some plants alive.
21. do another money experiment like the one we did last year (where we only spent $100 for the whole week).
22. potty train ellie. eek.
23. keep my room cleaner, make my bed, etc. (somehow my room is the worst in the house, no matter how hard i try to keep ellie out).
24. be better about keeping in touch without the internet.
25. say and show my love and appreciation as often as possible.

i have some other, more personal goals to work on as well.
we'll see how this goes. i'm pretty bad with specific goals.
general goals - eh, sometimes.

25 years.

so far it has been a great day and it isn't even noon yet.

ellie decided she couldn't wait to say happy birthday and woke up very upset at two in the morning (which hasn't happened in months). she wouldn't go back to sleep without a long backrub and, since it isn't easy to lean over the crib with my giant tummy, she got in bed with us and went back to sleep between mommy and daddy (which also hasn't happened in months).

baby boo got in on the action, too.
i woke up thinking that during the night i had been transformed into one of these:

(found on google image search)

i already got my mabel and, last night, a spectacular new phone - the most technologically up to date phone i have ever owned - which i will be using soon. i just have to figure out how to get my old phone off autopay first so that we aren't stuck with two bills.

you may have already noticed my other wonderful gift on this screen. today is officially 99 days until d-day, which means i am in double digits on the baby countdown (of course, give or take a few days). i'm feeling the change into the third trimester already. i'm huffing around, i'm having to leave rooms because it is just so hot! aren't you hot?!, i'm getting more and more emotional by the minute... it goes on and on.

oh, and this is what i look like in the midsection (26 weeks tomorrow, if you're wondering):

i had been trying to be sneaky and not wear actual maternity clothes, but that just isn't cutting it anymore.






my friend nikki (who also takes really sweet pictures, by the way) had the great idea to make a goal for each year of life on her birthday.

so i'm totally copying that.
but not today. on monday i'll make my list, which gives me the weekend to think about it.
oh, and party.

25 little things i love.

so it's a quarter of a century for me tomorrow. yeah, i know, it's no big deal to some. 
let me just tell you that it is positively ancient to the kids i know. upon discussing ages, a friend mentioned she was turning thirty and one of the kids said "my grandma just turned ninety!" as if it was pretty much the same thing.

for some reason, i feel like i want more this birthday. more celebrating, more introspection, more gratitude, more "hello! it's my birthday!' than ever before.
i think being a mom has made me try to take as many of the "me!" moments as i can get, since most of the time it is "who needs what first?"

today i want to let you in on a list of the little things i've had on my mind lately, because the little things are what make up life.

25 little things i love:

1. perfectly toasted toast with perfectly melting butter.
2. clean, cool sheets after a long, hot day.
3. the way my wedding band fits on my finger like air.
4. finding the perfect music on a road trip.
5. having a conversation with my baby and forgetting how strange i must sound to other people.
6. organizing the food on my plate by how much i like it and taking the best bite last.
7. the way ellie shushes: with her finger up one nostril instead of on her lips. "ttthhhh! tyte!" (shhh! quiet!)
8. putting chocolate chips or marshmallows on my cold cereal, even if it is already sugary.
9. watching "murders" with husband and snuggling.
10. finishing a good book.
11. a truly flattering outfit.
12. listening to an interesting news story like this one. 
13. "taste-testing" baked goods. (then tasting more, just to be sure.)
14. getting at least one room in the house completely clean.
15. morning light.
16. touching feet with a husband (but touching feet with anybody else - not so much).
17. having an exact grocery list and remembering to get everything on it.
18. quiet and beautiful public places, like museums and libraries.
19. baby giggles.
20. that once-in-a-blue-moon moment when my hair looks exactly the way i wanted it to look.
21. a good conversation.
22. being able to really help someone.
23. sweater/scarf/boot weather.
24. naptime (!!!!).
25. feeling both old and young at the same time.

of course, there are so many more things. these were just on my mind today.

another thing i love, but also makes me the tiniest bit sad:

watching my daughter grow up.
and walk around in my shoes and jewelry.
and seeing how happy she is.

more tomorrow.

movin' on up...

how rude of me!
i haven't introduced you to my new best friend.
her name is mabel and she's mine.

she's an early birthday present from my whole family.
she's my new "kitchen maid."
she's totally professional.
she's definitely a step up from the six-dollar handheld mixer that only has one working beater.

in the first four days that she was in my kitchen she helped me make
the fluffiest peanut butter frosting
and my first (ever!) loaves of crusty, soft yummy white bread.
the bread was so good i went so far as to make 100% whole grain bread with honey and it is amazing.
oh, and don't forget the gooey caramel creme brownies.

now that i know i can make bread without screwing it up (pretty sure the dough hook is the key, because my pizza dough attempts have been miserable), i think i'm ready to start making some for other people to try.

boy, do i like mabel. 
thank you to all my family, for trusting me with your tastebuds. you won't be sorry.

wait? who ate half the pan of brownies? i guess it was the baby.

speaking of babies, just a quick update:

baby boo is doing well. she is kicking me nearly senseless. 

she really loves red meat. ribs, steak, burgers - you name it and i want it. i could eat ribs every single day. twice. mmm, and steak for breakfast. 

she loves sweets, especially chocolate. i've been downing golden grahams like crazy.

she also loves when i drink diet rootbeer. 

pretty sure we're going to have double trouble around here. 

this new little boo has such a big personality already.

brasstown bald.

during our little vacation, daddy took us on a day trip to brasstown bald.

it's the highest point in georgia and is very close to our border with north carolina. 

the drive isn't actually very far, just a few hours north. it was fun to be in the mountain country on the winding roads - almost like being back for a visit in the rockies. 

it was a perfect day for hiking. even though it was hot, it was breezy and a little overcast and the sun didn't bother us much. there is a .6 mile trail from the parking lot to the summit. we were a little bit worried about getting ellie and my wide load up the trail, seeing as it is described as "very steep" and there is a shuttle available. also... i was wearing flip-flops, because i didn't know where we were going when i got in the car.

we wanted to give it a try and it ended up being no sweat - okay, maybe a lot of sweat but not a tough hike. we only had to rest twice and, although the trail was steep, it was nothing compared to timp cave - if you've been there you know what i'm talking about. in fact, it really wasn't a big deal compared to almost any trail i've been on in utah. i think they warn people about the steepness because they don't want to be rescuing retirees off the mountain all day (and because they get to charge $3 a pop for the shuttle). 

(disclaimer: after carrying that girl all the way up on his shoulders, his sweaty hair makes it look like he has bald spot. :) that is just what happens when a baby musses up sweaty hair. both of us ended up with such sweaty, gross hair that most of our pictures aren't very glamorous.)

("it's not the heat, it's the humidity!" - except the heat index has been like, 110 degrees lately.)

ellie was a wonderful little shoulder-rider and we explored when we got to the top. i think she thought it was a playground and she didn't want to stop running from one end of the deck to the other. the view is pretty incredible, especially considering that the woods in georgia keep you from seeing very far in any direction when you're anywhere else. you can see south carolina, north carolina, tennessee and (of course) georgia from the lookout.

  

both smiling at the same time. miracle?! too bad my hair is a joke!

 

in the visitors center, there was even a two-man saw display! we thought grampa brad would be happy to see it. ellie liked playing with it, but it was hard to get pictures in there with the way that the sun was coming in the windows. she also liked crossing the little bridge and looking at the "stuffed" animals. 

on the way home, we stopped at burger king because ellie's tummy was making her grumpy. she got a little ahead of herself - this girl is getting too big for her britches. i was feeding her pieces of a burger when she decided to grab the entire thing and eat it herself. i tried to pry it out of her hands because the toppings were all about to slide out onto her lap and in the chaos she threw the burger at the window and we all watched in horror as it slid down the glass. what an attitude! luckily we were in a booth - i don't know what would have happened if she had thrown it into the crowded dining room. she hadn't ever done anything like that before, but she was extremely hungry and tired at the time. i'm hoping that the terrible twos aren't starting already. i'm also glad that we most likely won't ever be eating there again. not only did we make a beautiful scene, but there were no high chairs and they didn't even have a changing station in the bathroom! (maybe it's their fault that ellie had a fit - she felt like she wasn't wanted.)

it was nice to get out and see the mountains here in georgia. it made me want to hike the appalachian trail even more than i did before we went. maybe in a long time, when we're empty nesters and have free time again. that gives me a few years to get in shape, too.

wordsmith.

i feel like i'm really behind on mentioning this, but ellie has become a little chatterbox. 

even just a few weeks ago we could hardly get her to talk. she would whisper and sing a little, but nothing much - especially in public. she didn't even really jabber. i remember someone asking me "you know how babies just scream to hear themselves make noise?" no, i didn't know. 

it used to be impossible to make her laugh, even. she would smile and sometimes do the silent giggle, but laughing out loud was rare. 

it has all happened so suddenly, but it feels like she has always been talking.

some of the things she says: 

"mama"  (finally.)

"baw" (ball)

"beebee" (baby)

"mee mee!" (usually "hungry" or "gimme")

"shet" (sit - yes, it's a good one)

"duhie" (judgie)

"eye" (exactly what it sounds like)

"dut" (duck)
"toyee" (story)

"byeeee! byeee!" and "buh-bye" 

(whenever we go anywhere or shut a door or walk away from someone or something, including toys)

"err eh-ee" ("where's ellie?")

"ear ahh" ("here are," which means "here i am")

"ehdoh?" ("where'd it go?")

"whydeh" ("right there")

oh, and her new favorite word (now that she has been in nursery):

"noew!"(no)

i have to try not to laugh when she says it, not only because i'm surprised but because it sounds like she is saying "meow" with an "n." oh, it is so horrible and so cute.

she can say "pees" and "dando" (please and thank you), but she rarely does. 

i say to her: "can you say please?"
she replies: "yes."

oh dear. 

 oh, and sneak preview:

that's right. in other world news, daddy has been taking a vacation of sorts and we have a lot to catch up on - including a hike to the tallest peak in georgia, spending time with our first and only nephew and my early birthday present. woohoo! be looking for some posts later this week.