in need of a good ramble?

I'm just going to jot down a few (or it could work up to several) disjointed, unrelated, streaming thoughts from my brain. Got it? Here goes:


If anyone watched The Office this past week (don't worry, I won't give away any spoilers), there was something that Pam said that almost made me cry. I know, I know, but hear me out. It jerked some tears because it was something I have actually said and it was even more depressing hearing someone else say it. It went something like "You want to hear something sad? I applied for some jobs. I applied at Old Navy, Target and WalMart and you know what? Not one of them called me back, not even one interview." When she started saying it in the scene, husband turned around and looked at me because he knew it was exactly my same situation. Okay, I know people are worse off than I am but come on! WalMart rejection? Don't tell me that isn't really low.


Remember when Judge was being really cute in the woods? Well, we pulled over ten disgusting and gigantic ticks off his little body yesterday. I'm not even sure we got them all because his hair is so thick. A few hours after we thought we got them all we found a few more. Poor boy. He was really good little patient but now I'm afraid to let him outside.


I'm wondering if people ever go to rehab for a sugar addiction. I'm not kidding when I say I'm usually thinking about when I'm going to get my next fix. I'm trying to fend off the cravings with the higher-quality diet sodas, but it doesn't seem to help. I can't chew gum for more than a few minutes unless I want my jaw to ache for the next week. I drink a glass of Crystal Light in a split-second. In the end, I find myself flipping through the dessert sections of recipe books, trying to find anything that I already have the ingredients to make. I usually give up and hit the gas station for some humongous candy bar and a giant bottle of flavored, fizzy syrup. Mmmm.


I think I have retained some quirks from my position as the oldest child in the family. For instance, every once in a while I really have a hard time sharing things. I think it comes from always having younger siblings who were cuter and didn't understand about birthdays (so they got presents on my birthday, too) and, well, basically didn't have any concept of property. It's like living with a tribe - what's mine is theirs and what's theirs is theirs . . . ? I'm also a control freak, maybe because I was always the one "in charge" whenever anyone needed someone to be in charge. I'm a perfectionist because I was always the example, the older one, the one who knew better. I just read that 1/2 of the U.S. presidents were first-borns and that 21 of the first 23 astronauts were oldest children. A lot of us oldests become real go-getters, real movers and shakers. Too bad. Instead of cultivating the traits of a CEO, I took all the characteristics of a nervous wreck!