my tiger girl.

she will fight me, because this is the nature of two tigers. but i will win and give her my spirit, 

because this is the way a mother loves her daughter.

- amy tan, the joy luck club

i read the joy luck club a few years back. it was perfect timing. have you ever done that? have you ever read a book at the exact perfect moment in your life? it has only happened for me a handful of times. when i read gone with the wind a few years after i moved to the south -- that was perfect timing. if i had read it without knowing the places and the people i would have completely missed the feeling of it. if i had read the joy luck club before i had a daughter of my own, it would have been a nice book and an enjoyable read, but it would have been a completely different experience. honestly, i've forgotten most of the details of the story, but there was one theme that stuck. and it overwhelmed me. the mother, ying-ying, and her daughter, lena, are both tigers according to the chinese zodiac. it's a defining element of their relationship. tigers are mainly solitary creatures. they're cunning and fearless. they can be competitive, stubborn, and intense. and of course, two tigers will fight each other because that is their nature.

i started the joy luck club after ellie was born, when she was just starting to show her personality (i almost described it as her "little personality" but i had to correct myself - there is nothing "little" about it). after some calculations, i realized that ellie and i are also both tigers. one week earlier and she would have been an ox, but here we are: two tigers. i'm not generally invested in anything to do with the zodiac (i have a hard enough time remembering birthdates, much less signs and symbols), but i found this news so interesting. i think about it often. as i watch ellie grow, i see more and more tiger in her -- and in myself.

my little tiger turned six this week. she's fierce, more fierce than anyone i've ever known. she's passionate, about everything from her feelings on religious topics to the way her peanut butter and jelly sandwich is made. from the minute she wakes up, she's going. she has plans and projects and the rest of us have no say in the matter. we're all just characters in her play and she's a regular shakespeare. she inspires me and frustrates me and sometimes (most of the time) i don't know whether to laugh or scream or cry.

when she turned five, she decided she was old enough to pour her milk by herself. lately she makes quite a few of her meals herself -- cereal and sandwiches mostly, but still. she's starting to read and she's doing very well. her stories are elaborate. her drawings are amazing. she wants to be an astronaut, a dancer, a teacher, and an engineer (one that creates her own brand of motor vehicles called the arrow straight). she's beyond independent. she's so independent that sometimes i feel like she doesn't need me at all.

i forget that she's just a baby, really, until we're in the middle of an argument about which shoes she should be wearing and how to fix her bunched up socks and that she's late for school again and she breaks down and says "mommy, i just need a HUG." i forget that she's full of feelings that are too big for her mind. she's a giant tiger inside a little girl body. and i understand because i've been that tiger, too.

i see so much of myself in her actions. it's difficult for me to try and guide her through the hard things: the consequences of being stubborn and impulsive, the exhaustion of putting your passion into the wrong things, the loneliness of trying to do everything all by yourself and the humbling pain of having to ask for help. i want her to be kind and compassionate, but not submissive; intelligent and confident, but not conceited; brave and persistent, but not reckless.

there's one other thing that she wants to do when she grows up. she wants to be a mom. in all of her many little writings, the words she writes most often are "i love my mom." the first entry in her little diary: "monday. i love my mom." despite my temper, my pride, and my stubbornness; despite my many, many flaws, she still wants to be like me. she can see past my shortcomings to my tiger spirit and she wants to have that for herself. i want to give her that gift, even when she fights it. i can try my best to help the spirit that is already inside of her grow stronger and wiser, and help the spirit inside me grow stronger and wiser for her. i will win, i will make myself stronger and wiser, and i will give her my spirit.

she loves me fiercely because she knows that i love her fiercely.

because that is the way a mother loves her daughter. 

happy sixth birthday, my wild little eleanor.

back in the saddle.

yeah, it has been a long time.
like, two years.
sorry.

i'm not sure that blogging is really "in" these days but i miss it.
and now that we've moved all the way back across the country (surprise!) i thought i'd start it up again to help share a little bit of our family with our loved ones who are far away.

let me explain.
no, there is too much. let me sum up.

i stopped posting right about the time i got pregnant with little evie in spring 2014.
yep, a whole person appeared during my absence (surprise again!).
anyway, i was so, so sick with her. the worst sick. not-even-functioning-sick. then, in the fall, things got really crazy when we moved in with my husband's parents for an indefinite amount of time. our time there was fun and hard and stressful and happy and we'll never forget it. between the living arrangement and the newborn baby, i kinda went into survival mode.
in the spring we got an idea. it was pretty out there, but we decided to go for it. the husband went back to school full-time and that meant moving back to where it all started, in utah valley. we were pretty nervous because, well, we're old and have a lot of kids and what were we even thinking?! but now we're in the second semester and things are working out better than we even imagined.

it's starting to feel as normal and calm as life with three little girls will ever be, so here i am. i'm ready to post some stuff for my benefit and for yours; because i will not remember my babies if i don't write it down and i think y'all might just be interested in our little fowlers, too.

plus i'm a nerd who likes writing. 

we can be friends on instagram if we aren't already (because it can kinda be like a micro-blog, i've found, and it's a lot easier to maintain). if you're here solely for the pictures, that's your spot. on the blog i'm going to add a bunch of words and i can't promise it won't get super cheesy.
fair warning & welcome back.

& some quotes.

and now

(drumroll please)

for the quotes.

with random pictures, as usual.

i know it's the only reason y'all still read this, to hear the crazy things my kids say. 

poppy is starting to assert her independence, and she likes to pick her clothes and dress herself. if i try to help she says "i need a turn! give me a turn! i do it!" most of the time, if i ask her if she needs help she'll say "i'm fine, mom! i'm fine!" like some kind of fifteen-year-old kid.

ellie gave her first talk in primary. it was about Jesus. we were asking her what she knows about Jesus (a lot) and she told us this fact: "he helps santa claus deliver all the presents on christmas eve!"

we rode in an elevator at the mall, and poppy fell asleep in the car right after we left. when she woke up at home, she must have been having a nightmare about the elevator because she started yelling: "the bumping! the bumping! no no!" and reaching out to hold on to me. poor thing.

ellie: "i don't like t-rexes. they freak me out! they aren't meant to be liked, just like great white sharks aren't meant to be liked."

poppy's latest catchphrase is "whabout me?" (what about me?). she hates being left out. the other day i tried to leave her in the car with daddy while i got a couple of things in the store and she was wailing "whabout me?! whabout me?!" enough to break my heart. when i mentioned that daddy was there with her, she said, "not daddy!" (poor daddy.)



ellie misses her utah family a lot lately (so do the rest of us). some of the things she's said:
"i think we should go spend some time with your family. you know, in utah."
"can we go pick daddy up from work and get on a plane and go to utah?"
"what if we just drive to the airport and get on a plane to utah right now?"

poppy keeps telling everyone she is older than she is. "i'm poppy. i'm six!" and she likes to tell people "my birthday is PINK!" (because she had a pink birthday cake)



after the time change, ellie said: "it's not hard for me to wake up early. i do it every day! i always wake up early!"
she does. ugh. and she wakes poppy up, too. the other morning she told me "i have to go wake poppy up and make our plans for today." poppy wasn't ready to make plans, though, and i found her clutching her blanket and moaning "no, no!" while ellie tried to drag her out of bed.

poppy is very self-aware. we love to tease her. if you say "you're silly!" she always responds with, "i'm not silly! i'm poppy!" and if you try to say that you are poppy... "no! you not poppy, i'm poppy! i'm poppy!" it never gets old.



ellie couldn't sleep the other night, and daddy and i were up watching a movie. she came out of her room and declared "you guys are ruining my dreams!"



ellie: "this is what t-devils do to bones and carcasses. carcasses have bones inside of them."
(she was eating french fries)

we said goodbye to the mullet this month. happy & sad about that.

along with singing frozen songs at the top of their lungs (both of them, and they know most of the words), they often make up their own original songs. some of my favorite lyrics:
"happy birthday to you, our princess! we love you and we care about you!" - ellie
"golden saaaaaandals!" - poppy
a whole song about peanut butter & honey by ellie

oh, and ellie's re-imagined version of "do you want to build a snowman?"
 do you want to build a snowman?
"i do!"
come on let's go and play!
"here i come!"
i never see you anymore, come out the door, it's like you've gone away.
"i'm right here!"
 (kinda changes the entire movie, huh?)

yes, together ellie and poppy act out whole scenes from frozen and i love it so much.
and i guess if you haven't seen frozen, maybe you should. or come on over, we're probably watching it sometime today.

adventure girls.

we haven't been around the internet much because, as luck would have it, every single saturday of march (so far) has been absolutely perfect. a lot of the days between have been perfect, too. spring is springing here in the south. don't get jealous just yet, though. march here is so unpredictable. the morning is a lion, the afternoon is a lamb, and then all night it is pouring rain. i got my box of warm weather clothes out of the attic, but i can't yet put away the winter clothes. some days are sweatshirts with jackets and wool socks. other days are sandals and t-shirts and pants rolled up. most days you start bundled up and end up sunbathing by dinnertime. it's been that way for weeks.

i'm not complaining. i know we only have a short amount of time before it gets sweaty, sweaty hot. for now, we wait for the weather to be just right and then we get out and enjoy every minute. 

recently daddy and i were talking about our girls, and how they need adventure. lately i just can't get the quote out of my head that "all good things are wild and free." if there is anything that describes my girls, that would be it. wild and free. we came up with the "adventure girls" and since then we've been spending time trying to get out and let our adventure girls be as wild and as free as they please.

and, thanks to this weather, every saturday has been a new adventure. 

when we're not having big adventures, we are out finding worms and picking every dandelion in the backyard. 

life is pretty good.

i'll post some adventure pictures and some really great kid quotes later this week. 

party all night.

we had a few hours after the kids left, then some family and friends came for dinner and cake and more partying. the weather stayed beautiful all day long, so we built a little fire in the backyard and played outside more.

i took even less pictures of this event, believe it or not, but i do have a few to steal from grammie. 

our evening was a lot more laid-back, and was full of roasting marshmallows, eating birthday cake, and opening more presents. she even got to open packages from far away family that came just in time. it lasted long into the night and i'm not at all sure how both girls made it without a nap. i thought poppy was going to fall asleep on her feet. they just played and played and played.

(she got a ton of puzzles for her birthday, which is perfect, because she loves puzzles.

she's done that one with the states at least seven times since sunday morning and even did it once with absolutely no help.)

after everyone left both girls snuggled up on either side of me and fell asleep. it was the perfect ending to a perfect day. 

i can't say enough how much i appreciate everyone who helped make her birthday so special and memorable. she had the best day of her life and she spent it with so many wonderful people.

p-a-r-t-why? 'cause we got to.

i haven't been able to keep up with the craziness of my little girl turning four years old on saturday. 

we spent last week busy gearing up for her elaborate, fun, and unforgettable day. 

if you know ellie, you know that she makes plans. and when she makes plans, she makes big plans, and she expects everyone to help her make her dreams come true. even before poppy's birthday in november (yes, we've been planning since then) ellie has been talking about her rainbow birthday cake. over the months it evolved into a rainbow cake with a rainbow pony made of cookie on top and a rainbow unicorn pinata and basically inviting every person she knew to come celebrate. i'm not kidding when i say she would rattle off names of friends she wanted to invite, including most of the church nursery, her friends from primary, random kids from the park, adults that she likes, etc. in fact, we started back at dance class last week and on the way home she told me: "mom! there were so many new friends in there! you are going to have to call my teacher and find out all of their names." if she had her way, we would have invited to whole world to come. 

(she's a friendly little thing, and i don't know where she gets it. she has forced her poor socially awkward mother to come out of her shell.)

unfortunately we don't have the space or means to accommodate such a party, though if we did, i would have gladly invited her entire universe of people. i took control of the runaway train and invited a few friends for a party in the morning (which still turned out to be 10 three/four-year-olds, all but one could come) and we made plans for an evening with some family and friends. we did a little decorating and baking and preparing each day of the week to get ready and keep her excitement from spilling over.

it

was 

insane

and so, so much fun. 

ellie woke up laughing on her birthday and we heard her giggling all the way into our room. she burst through the door and said "it's my birthday!" and we grabbed her to kiss her and checked to see if she'd grown overnight.

so began her epic day.

the kid party in the morning was amazing. ellie's aunt and uncle were so great to come and help and between the adults we were able to keep all the kids happy and out of trouble (for the most part). the weather was perfect and we were able to play outside and inside and, surprisingly, the house didn't even get trashed the way i thought it would. the kids played with sidewalk chalk and balloons and i didn't even have to plan anything as far as games. 

we had a lunch of rainbow fruits and vegetables with "cloud popcorn" and and the kids ate in shifts, whenever they felt like it, picking at the food from the table. i was surprised again at how much healthy food was eaten just by having it in reach and available for snacking. i'm pretty sure every one of those picky kids ate something healthy before we went crazy with sugar.

i convinced ellie that the kids would do better with cupcakes instead of the giant layer cake she was going to have later, so rainbow cupcakes it was. they were delicious.

a note: if we ever do such a big party again, i think we'll have to make a no presents rule. firstly, she got so many great presents that i kinda felt guilty! spoiled rotten by her sweet friends. but secondly, opening presents was the only time when things got out of control. it was a madhouse and i was literally terrified for a moment. the kids were all so excited and yelling and couldn't wait and wrapping paper was flying and it was overwhelming, to say the least.

we saved the pinata for last, and it worked perfectly, so that we were all outside again and ready to go as the parents came back. ellie had her heart set on a pinata, even though i wasn't so keen on the idea. we didn't find the rainbow unicorn, but a friend of ours spotted the rainbow one and it was super cheap, so i caved. ellie was so happy with it. as you probably know, it's almost impossible for a bunch of kids her age to break a pinata. they still loved it, even though uncle miles eventually had to break it after daddy's sabotage didn't work. and it was very entertaining watching the kids take their turns.

i am so grateful that ellie has such a wonderful community of kids her age. i love them all. they're adorable and smart and funny. although it might not always seem like it, i'm so glad that ellie has dragged me into having a social life. everywhere so goes she makes a friend. just the other day, we stopped at mcdonalds for a second to get a gift card and she made a new friend while standing in line. after we left she was upset because she had forgotten to ask her new friend's name, and wanted to go back the next day to find her and introduce herself.

we had a great time and i'd do it all again in a heartbeat! it probably helps that i've been with the kids at church for so many years now, it's normal for me to be in the middle of a bunch of crazy kids. in fact, if i can recover from this weekend i was thinking about having a st. patrick's day party - but with some help from other moms, of course.

i'll post tomorrow about the perfect evening of our all-day party. see you then!

snowcation.

 

well, it snowed again. these girls and their wishes!

i keep thinking that the first go 'round was a warning, because the second storm (well, technically two storms in two days) was much worse. but last week everyone was still scared to death from january's experience and most people just stocked up on groceries and stayed home, watching the snow and ice pile up. the kids were out of school almost the whole week, and home depot even closed for the first time since we've lived here.

we were worried about losing power in our poorly insulated house, so tuesday afternoon between storms we parked the van in the garage to protect it from falling trees and headed up to spend some time with grammie and pop-pop.

and what a time we had! everyone enjoyed it, especially judge.

it looks beautiful, but don't be deceived. the second night it switched from snow to ice pellets, then back and forth from snow to ice. when the ice would come down it looked like the tiny beads of silica that come with new shoes. you could hear it against the windows, it crackled like someone opening a bag of chips or someone throwing tiny rocks at the window. the wind was blowing. it looked nice, but i'll bet it was miserable out there.

on thursday morning we ventured out. the snow was so crunchy, and when i cleaned off the car a little there were definite layers of ice, snow, ice, snow.

we found out laundry baskets don't make for good sledding, because they dump you out at the bottom of the hill. we lasted mere minutes before we had to come back inside for some hot chocolate and cookies.

we made it home safely thursday afternoon when the sun came out, and before the roads turned back to ice. things were fine in athens, no lost power or even lost trees (maybe a branch or two).

we're glad we had our little snowcation, though. it was probably too much fun. it has been hard getting back into real life after having our daddy to play with us and nothing on the agenda for days.

(we almost skipped valentines day because of the strange week, but i'll do a little post on our simple day later.)

goodbye, snow! maybe you don't have to come back next year after all.